The Washing Machine.
Here I sit feeling that sense of growing inner agitation beginning to take me for that familiar spin, and I wonder why I’m here again.
“Lord, seriously haven’t I done enough spinning in the last couple of weeks?” I ask.
No answer…. Hmmmm…..So am I safe to assume the answer is “apparently not?”
“Please don’t put me back in the emotional washing machine” I plead. I’m clean enough. Right?
I don’t think I will ever be clean enough. Isn’t that why I’m still on my human journey? Not so much to be made perfect, for that is a human impossibility, but evidently to be cleaned and rinsed continually of my sinful nature so my relationship with God can be enriched and restored to a more intimate level.
Each time I put my clothes in the washing machine and add that little bit of soap I do it because my clothes need cleaning. Not always heavy duty cleaning but a bit of spot removing never the less. So into the machine they go and after 20 minutes of gentle agitation I pop them in the dryer and they come out as fresh as new. Well almost.
Isn’t that simply what God is doing with me? As my soul gets soiled from living in a world where my mind takes on the grime of outside noise, my spirit absorbs pollution of thought and my heart grows weary of feeling other’s pain, don’t I need to be made good as new?
Not if it means jumping into that dark and cramped machine. No way.
Oh come on kid. How bad can it be? Any worse than what you’re feeling right now?
In the past my restlessness was simply a reminder that I was losing control over my life. But isn’t the idea of control really an illusion that I’ve bought into as truth?
Haven’t I tried over and over to stop the twisting and turning of my mind as I’ve obsessed over thoughts of ‘What if” and “Fear?” Haven’t I called out to God and begged Him to pull me away from the frozen feelings of despair that begin to swallow me up?
I don’t want to live in illusions or fantasies any more. I want to live a rich life and taste the marrow of every single experience through living with intentional mindfulness.
I silently pray, “Please God, help me find peace.”
Uh. Oh. He was listening.
Grabbing a small chair, God slides it up next to His washing machine and suggests I climb up and He’ll help me in.
“But nothing” is His gentle response as He assures me that I won’t drown, the water is not too hot and I will live through it.
“Can’t I just stay out here for a few more minutes while I think of a better way?”
God’s gentle smile reminds me that He is a good God and that all He really wants is for me to be fulfilled in Him. If that means a little scrubbing behind the ears while I am being agitated, so be it.
I stop, but only for a second because I am learning to trust my God.
And as I look down next to the washing machine I see a tiny basket holding a pair of goggles and a nose plug.
Here goes. PLOP!!!
And guess what? It’s a big machine and there’s room in here for you too.