Financial Security vs. Financial Serenity

Financial security vs. financial serenity
I am not sure I will ever reach the place where I could be financially secure in a world that revolves around money and power.
Besides, how much is enough?
When will I feel safe enough to let go and trust God? After I have won the Lotto or inherited a boatload of money from a dying relative?
Will I ever be comfortable spending what I have socked away for a rainy day when it is really needed?
I have spent much of my life living with a mentality of “Not enough,” not because I accept that at my core as truth, but because that idea was so ingrained into my psyche from childhood that the belief just lives there.
So now my struggle is to let go of the fear that creeps in whenever I am taking time away to visit family and friends. To stop the cycle of quietly counting every dime I am spending as I nourish the love relationships I have through sharing time together. To cease the mental chatter that feeds my mind of the fear of losing everything I have worked so hard for if I take too much time to play and have fun.
Why have I spent my entire life working if all I can do is scare myself to death for taking the earned money to enjoy the life I have now?
Thus the idea of financial serenity.
I don’t need a lot of money to be financial serene if I have a trust relationship with God.
If each day I can focus on the NOW, I will be more prepared to live life one day at a time. I will start believing that my needs will be met and then slowly and cautiously I can begin taking baby steps towards letting go of my need to voraciously work to put more money in the bank for tomorrow.
When I operate from the place of lack I am at risk of losing relationships in the moment. When I refuse to let go of my control by offering up to God my fears of the future, I live in scarcity and sorrow.
There is no tomorrow. I get that, and yet I find myself trying to stock pile for a day, a week or a month from now, almost like I am demanding that God give more than I need so I can breathe more easily.
Will I ever live with God’s ease, balance and grace as I learn to respectively use what God has blessed me with? Can I give myself the freedom to enjoy the company of those I love over a shared meal, or a weekend away from the phones and hectic schedule of everyday life or simply paying for coffee for a stranger in need?
I am talking about trusting the fact I have been cared for my entire life. I have never gone without a place to lay my head at night after a difficult day, or a meal to fill my belly when the hunger monster starts to roar or a job that allows me the space and freedom to do what I love.
Has there always been everything I need right when I needed it? Absolutely.
Has it been enough? As a woman who chooses to believe in God I can say yes, but as a human who gets pulled into a world of “You must have more, better and bigger to survive,” that answer is no.
So now what? Who do I want to be and how do I want to live?
Today I will seek the will of God in everything I do. I will quiet my mind and listen for the small voice that gives me direction. I will be grateful to have the ability to do the next indicated step even if all that means is doing the dishes. I will take the action necessary to build a relationship with God based on “Thank you” instead of “Give me.”
And most importantly I will surrender my bank account to the God who has always managed to make sure there is something there for a rainy day.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s